It’s aliiiiive

I feel alive.

I feel empowered.

I feel like things are possible.

I feel like the life I lead is not easily captured in a five second introduction.

I went out today.

I listened to music, and poetry, and rapping, and, people being vulnerable, above all, a supportive community and I was swept up in the love, freedom, joy of it.

I danced.  DANCED.  For the first time in months.

I sang in my car on the way home.  For the first time in months.

I mingled, and the first words out of my mouth were not my diagnosis.

I felt, really felt, like there could be more to life than dullness and recovery and me sitting on a couch watching Netflix.

I needed this, as much as I need lamictal and sleep and oxygen.

Not to diminish Eric, but there has developed a sort of patient-caregiver dynamic between the two of us.  And, I know he means well, but I need to break free of that patient role.  To be, for a few hours, not remotely my illness, but a person, adrift in a sea of other people, anonymous and spontaneous.

To be a human with possibility and the ability to achieve her goals, and to have no one, not least herself, tell her no.

FINALLY.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s